Joke #4259

My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another. So far we’ve been up for three weeks.

My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.

A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?" "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."

Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’

Walking down the street, a man hears a voice: "Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and kill you." The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him. The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk. The voice shouted, "Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die." The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "Where the hell were you when I got married last week?"

A wife tells her husband while watching a Mexican TV series: "Look, how much he loves her…" "Yes. But do you know how much he's being paid for that?"

Wife complains husband, "When I'm crossing the dark forest when I'm comming back home I'm scared that someone will rape me." "Don't worry" answers husband, "you wouldn't be so lucky..."

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window. After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window. He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his arse facing the window. After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his butt cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"

A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"

HOW did an Intelligent BOY PROPOSE to a Girl. He TOOK the Girl ALONG with him on a BOAT & in the MIDDLE of River said: "LOVE ME or LEAVE the BOAT."