My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another.
So far we’ve been up for three weeks.
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Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you.
She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.
"The first ten years are the hardest."
"How long have you been married?" she asked.
"Ten years", he replied.
My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.
Why can't single women fart?
They don't get an asshole till they get married.
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant.
We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together."
My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?"
I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by re-walking their first walk together.
They come to the fence against which they first made love.
The husband says, "Come on, for old time's sake."
The wife agrees and they both undress.
Afterwards, the husband says, "You're even better than you were 30 years ago."
His wife replies, "That fence wasn't electrified 30 years ago!"
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Happy Valentine's Day.
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