Joke #4513

Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’

My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased. Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.

Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her

A drunk phones the police to report that thieves have been in his car. ‘They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,’ he cries out… ‘Oh hang on. I’m in the back seat.’

I joined Bachelors Anonymous. Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

They are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.

Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’

A woman come to a doctor, with bumps and bruising all over her body. The woman complains that it was her husband, who beat her. Doctor tells in surprise: "I thought your husband was out of town." "So did I..."

An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’