Joke #4513

Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’
Vote: has 88.44 % from 172 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"
Vote: has 87.28 % from 127 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, elephant, marriage
Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
Vote: has 88.75 % from 1927 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, love, marriage, sex, wife
My husband added some spice to our marriage. He's left home.
Vote: has 35.32 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage
My best friend ran away with my wife. It's only been three days and I really miss him.
Vote: has 52.14 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama." Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!" Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!" Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!" Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol this is a job for Mama!"
Vote: has 54.96 % from 127 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, marriage, sex, wedding
Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before. Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?
Vote: has 30.11 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye. “Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said. He said, “No. I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that is I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I could have been free!”
Vote: has 63.11 % from 329 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Vote: has 89.09 % from 742 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, husband, marriage, travel, wife
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like Mr. Plumber?" A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?" A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?" "What do I look like Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. "Wow, did he charge us anything?" "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him." "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" "Cake? What the hell do I look like Betty Crocker?"
Vote: has 54.89 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, sex, work