My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life. After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper. A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately. On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy. When she entered the room she stood steal... She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room. "But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked. "Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"
Phone talk: "Is your boss there?" "No, he left on a trip." "A recovery trip, huh?" "I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
"My wife suffers from a drinking problem." "Oh is she an alcoholic?" "No, I am, but she's the one who suffers."
Coming home after check-up, 45 year old Jenna said to her husband: "The doctor said that my brust is like a 20 year old girl’ brust." Husband replied: "Did he mention about your 45 year old hanged to the floor ass?" "No", she said. "Your name wasn’t even mentioned."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
Even the story of Sir Walter Ralegh confirms that he put his brand new coat over bumps with mud for his wife to cross it. Why? Because he was on sea for 15 months and he desperately wanted to have sex. No normal man that is well in his brains would do this to his expensive coat.