Joke #4286

My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.
Vote:
has 84.46 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A widowed elderly lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, FL. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.  Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello sir, how are you today?" "Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.  "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked. "First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book. "I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" she asked. "Yes, I live over in Cape Coral," he answered and again resumed reading.  Trying to find a topic of common interest, and noticing that his book was about veterinary medicine, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?" With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to hers, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!  When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?" The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
Vote:
has 59.28 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: age, husband, marriage, men, wife
“A happy marriage is nothing but a give and take relationship; the husband gives and the wife takes.”
Vote:
has 77.25 % from 279 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, relationship, wife
Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
Vote:
has 83.31 % from 2545 votes. More jokes about: beauty, love, marriage, sex, wife
A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."
Vote:
has 58.51 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: age, church, marriage, time
I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
Vote:
has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: marriage
What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage.
Vote:
has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
Vote:
has 53.69 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: communication, divorce, marriage, wife
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Vote:
has 49.45 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: fart, marriage, sex
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. ”Are you hurt?” he asked.”Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”
Vote:
has 44.53 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
I was married to a Gemini she caught me cheating on her with herself.
Vote:
has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex