Joke #4287

My wife has given me a reason to live – revenge.
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Old Farmer Peter was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Peter: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
Vote: has 53.58 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
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I took two marriage vows. Silence and poverty.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
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It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
Vote: has 26.16 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, money, sport, time
Ladies, don’t forget the jumble sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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If you want to drive your wife crazy don’t talk in your sleep, just smile.
Vote: has 64.17 % from 78 votes. Send joke:
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Men are divided into two groups: 50% are wise and 50% have married.
Vote: has 83.96 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, marriage, men
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
Vote: has 54.62 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
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The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex. His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary." The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?" His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"
Vote: has 54.70 % from 119 votes. Send joke:
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I was married to a Gemini she caught me cheating on her with herself.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
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A drunk is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of beer. A man passes and asks him what the matter is. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ says the drunk. ‘My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days.’
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
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