My wife has given me a reason to live – revenge.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever"
"Yeah?" she replies.
"When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
Vote:
If it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"
Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.
Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.
Now, why can't you do that?"
"Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."
Practical thought:
A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise.
A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife.
St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much.
You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much.
You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
An 80-year-old man tells his wife, "I'm going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
His wife gets her coat on and says, "I'm going to the doctor, too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.