Joke #4512

Wife to husband: ‘Let’s go out and have some fun tonight!’ Husband: ‘Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on.’
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Husband to wife: ‘Put your coat on, I’m going to the pub.’ Wife: ‘Oh that’s nice, are you taking me for a drink?’ Husband: ‘No, I’m turning the heating off.’
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

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A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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A woman come to a doctor, with bumps and bruising all over her body. The woman complains that it was her husband, who beat her. Doctor tells in surprise: "I thought your husband was out of town." "So did I..."
Vote: has 51.13 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
Vote: has 89.14 % from 1035 votes. Send joke:

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Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"
Vote: has 87.28 % from 127 votes. Send joke:

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A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister. "What are you doing?" he asks. "Warming up your dinner."
Vote: has 88.45 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

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Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing. Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.
Vote: has 88.73 % from 271 votes. Send joke:

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Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore: marriage is an institution for the blind.
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex. His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary." The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?" His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"
Vote: has 52.59 % from 111 votes. Send joke:

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