Joke #4303

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life. Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money

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Q: How do pirates make their money? A: By hook or by crook!
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money, pirate
In the town I have met one older woman, she told me: "if you give me ten euros, I will pray for your black soul." I gave her the ten euros, became suspicious, didn't believe her and told her: "ok, but pray for me right now, not in the evening." The woman has begun: "guardian angel, please, take care of my soul, forgive me all my sins and give me everything I need in my life." I have asked her only: "for my money?"
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life, money, old people, religious
Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...
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has 74.71 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: internet, money, women
A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don’t know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn’t know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well... what did he say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says…go to hell... that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger."
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has 76.80 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: accountant, lawyer, money
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, money
Patient to his doctor: "I have forgotten so many things lately, and it's getting worse. What can I do?" Doctor: "Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. I'd also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?"
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has 85.04 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, money
Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game, money
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: money, relationship
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life, money
Yo' Mama is so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.
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has 78.90 % from 1289 votes. More jokes about: car, insulting, money, Yo mama