Joke #4303

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life. Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason

Yo' mama so poor, she fills her ice trays with toilet water!

That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing. I told you he was a bum steer.

If I won the Lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I’d make my boss’s life a living hell for a week or two first.

If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.

Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A: He has got no beef.

Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.

Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity", said the shopkeeper. "No, I'll buy the chocolate. YOU give the money to charity!"

The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.

A Rolls Royce pulls up in to an expensive restaurant. A sheik emerges, followed by a harem of women and a rooster. After ordering for himself and his harem, the sheik requests a basket of apples for the rooster. The rooster proceeds to eats three baskets of apples. The waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster. The sheik explains, "A genie granted me three wishes. My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beautiful women. And my third wish was to have an insatiable cock."

I can't see the point of going to a lap-dancing club. If I wanted a woman who would take my money and sexually frustrate me, I would get married.