An old lady goes to her doctor and asks for contraceptive tablets, claiming they help her sleep at night. ‘Why would contraceptive pills make you sleep any better than normal?’ asks the doctor. The old lady replies, ‘Because I put them in my grandaughter’s coffee.’
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted. I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they? A: His left hand and his right hand.
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment? Walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?" A: "Spit and swallow."
Yo mama so fat, when your dad tried eating your mom's pussy his head stuck in.
My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.