A husband and wife are walking down the street when a beautiful young woman blows the husband a kiss.
‘I met her last week,’ explains the husband.
‘Professionally of course.’
The wife replies, ‘Which profession?
Yours or hers?’
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A Yankee from Chicago and a Texan were talking.
The Yankee said, "sex is so easy where I'm from we just walk up and stick it in."
The Texan said, "where I'm from we stick it in and walk up."
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking.
They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment.
After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed.
Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling.
The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.”
The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.
Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina."
Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night.
I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad. I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."
He said, "I'm not."
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A woman walks into her sex thearapist’s office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and the rarely have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it?
The therapist tells her that she has a new drug called Viagra that might do the trick.
She tells the woman to give him one pill that night, and come back in the morning to tell her what happens.
The next day the woman walks in ecstatic telling the therapist the viagra worked, and she and her husband had the best sex ever.
She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills?
The therapist replies she dosn’t know but says to go ahead and try it.
The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist tha the sex was even better than the night before.
She asks the therapist what whould happen if she gave him five pills?
The therapist once again tells her to give it a try.
The following day the woman comes back in LIMP BUT HAPPY, tells the therapist the sex just keeps getting better and better.
She asks what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle?
The therapists tells her its a new drug and she doesn’t know what a full bottle would do to a person.
The woman leaves the office and puts the rest of the pills in her husbands morning coffee.
A week later a boy walks into the therapists office and asks: "Are you the “idiot” who gave my MOTHER a bottle of Viagra?"
"Why yes young man I did?"
"Why?"
"Well mom’s dead, my sister’s Pregnant, my A– Hurts, and Dad just sits in the corner going, 'here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty…'”
Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.”
“Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?”
“Back to back.”
“But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.”
“Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple to help out.”
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning.
The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..."
"Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants;
I asked her "Is it thick?"
She said "yes dear."
Again I asked: "Is it warm?"
She replied: "yes honey."
Then I asked: "Is it soft?"
She said, "yes of course."
"It is my shit!" I told her.
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Joke has 53.73 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?”
Most of the hands go up.
“And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?”
About half the hands stay up.
“Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?”
Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd.
“Gosh, that’s pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh…, been *intimate* with a ghost?”
One hand stays up.
The speaker blinks.
“Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?”
The fellow suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry,… I thought you said goat!”