A husband and wife are walking down the street when a beautiful young woman blows the husband a kiss. ‘I met her last week,’ explains the husband. ‘Professionally of course.’ The wife replies, ‘Which profession? Yours or hers?’
What do you call men who use the pull out method? Fathers.
My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."
A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell." But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man. "Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man. "Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."
Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone? Answer: No! Response: Wanna go to a party?
"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Q: What's the hardest thing about a sex change from a man to a woman? A: Inserting the anchovies
How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself? He’s smoking a cigarette.
Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle. What's your age? 70. You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...