Money talks – all mine says is ‘Goodbye!’
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An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife.
After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on.
She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit.
But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all.
So she came downstairs completely naked.
"Huh," said the old man, hugging her.
"For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."
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Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
I got this antique watch from my grandfather on his deathbed – he put up one hell of a fight for it.
Q: When do accountants laugh out loud?
A: When somebody asks for a raise.
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Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaraunt.
A man is trying to understand the nature of God, time, and the Universe. He asks God, “How long is a billion years to you?”
God says, “A billion years is like a second to me.”
The man asks, “Well, how much is a billion dollars to you?”
God says, “A billion dollars is like a penny to me.”
So the man says, “God, can I have a penny?”
And God replies, “In a sec.”
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she considers the give-a-penny/take-a-penny cups part of her own "Save Yo' Mama" foundation.
I hate paying my income tax.
You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?
I'd like to but they insist on money!
Chuck Norris doesn't need money he gets everything for free.
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