A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother. ‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son. The mother replies, ‘I don’t know. Surprise me.’
Yo momma is so fat, that when NASA put her on the moon, her breasts were the only things bouncing... just like on earth.
Today in lesson Little Jonny went to the back of the room and Miss McRacen went "Not in the back." Jonny: "That's what she said." Miss: "Get out!" Jonny "She said that too."
Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw... She must think I'm made of coat hangers.
In the morning Little Johnny says to his father, "Daddy last night I had my first s*xual encounter." His father looks at him proudly and says, "When are you planniing to do it again?" "I don't know daddy ever since it happened my ass has been hurting like crazy."
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.