A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother.
‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son.
The mother replies, ‘I don’t know.
Surprise me.’
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My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw...
She must think I'm made of coat hangers.
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Chuck Norris never gets dirty.
The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
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My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
I saw a sign in a public toilet the other day.
It said "Please leave this toilet in the condition that you would have liked to have found it in."
So I left it with a porn mag and a line of coke ...
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
Q: What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her skirt?
A: Self-employed.
What's the only thing white girls swallow?
Starbucks.
The Unfortunate Penis:
- You've got a hole in your head.
- You always hang around with two nuts.
- Your closest neighbor is an a**hole.
- Your best friend is a pussy.
- Every time you get excited, you throw up.
One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker.
Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District.
A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse.
The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs.
So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before.
He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!"
The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"