Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.
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"Siri, why am I still single?"
Siri activates front camera.
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Nothing spreads easier than butter, except for yo mommas legs.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Testicules.
Testicules who?
Pillow for penis .
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Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots.
They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight.
They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
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A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables.
The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"
"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"
"Because you're really ugly," replied the man.