Joke #11636

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.

"Siri, why am I still single?" Siri activates front camera.

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"

Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.

Teacher: "Little Johnny can you say a sentence to use with dirty words? Little Johnny: "Yesterday my school was late so I had to run in order to reach on time." Teacher: "You didn't use any bad word in your sentence." Little Johnny: "Well, when I was running I farted many times!"

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man. This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.

'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."

One day Little Timmy caught his mom and dad having sex. Little Timmy asks his dad "Can I join you?" His dad asks "Can your dick touch your ass?" Timmy replies "No." "Then no." Dad replies. Later on he catches his dad looking at porn. Timmy asks "Can I look with you Daddy?" His dad asks again "Can your dick touch your ass?" "No." "Then no." Later that night Little Timmy is eating cookies. His dad walks into the kitchen and asks "Can I have a cookie?" Timmy asks "Can your dick touch your ass?" His dad replies "Yes." "Then go fuck yourself these cookies are mine!"

My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!