Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.
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I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
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Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
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I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me:
"Are you alone?"
So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone."
"So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl.
I fainted...
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Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know."
Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses
Grass is green,
trees are greener.
When I think of you,
I play with my wiener.
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Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
Q: What is a difference between Ooooh and Aaaah?
A: Only 3 inches.
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