Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.
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Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
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Brrr! My hands are cold.
Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Knock,Knock,
Who is there?
Pen!
Pen who?
is...
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Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.
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My girlfriend told me that will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
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The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That’s not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
Me: "I'm so lonely."
Person: "Hey!"
Me: "Leave me alone."
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A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables.
The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"
"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"
"Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
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