Joke #4405

Since I got married I haven’t looked at another woman. My wife put me off them.
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, men, women
Getting married is like buying a dishwasher. You'll never have to do it by hand again.
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, marriage, masturbation, technology, work
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes, I do" then leaned toward the priest and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The priest put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
Vote: has 52.15 % from 173 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, marriage, money, priest, wedding
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen. How do you do that? Says the other. It's easy! I turn off the light!
Vote: has 44.95 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Vote: has 51.12 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"
Vote: has 85.17 % from 133 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
If you want your wife to pay attention to every word you say, try talking in your sleep.
Vote: has 86.48 % from 225 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A drunk is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of beer. A man passes and asks him what the matter is. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ says the drunk. ‘My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days.’
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
He never got married. He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.
Vote: has 34.09 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."
Vote: has 86.99 % from 1575 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: golf, husband, marriage, sport, wife