Joke #4446

‘Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.’ George Burns
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has 53.46 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: sex

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One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
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has 57.39 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: husband, kids, marriage, sex
A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter" The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?" The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."
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has 36.53 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, doctor, sex
Good girls go to bed at 8 p.m., since they need to be home by 11 p.m.
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has 71.20 % from 249 votes. More jokes about: sex
A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans. Sure enough, he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish. He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World. The Genie pales, and says, "Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, woven into the very fabric of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen." "Okay", the guy says. "Tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best blowjob I've ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading - just because she likes it, because she wants to, and because it turns her on." The Genie shakes his head and says, "Let me see that map again!
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has 74.27 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: dirty, genie, sex, war, wife
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.” The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
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has 67.29 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, old people, romantic, sex
A man says to his wife, ‘You know what, two inches more and I’d be king.’ She replies, ‘Two inches less and you’d be queen.’
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has 77.89 % from 571 votes. More jokes about: sex
Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.
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has 69.82 % from 266 votes. More jokes about: sex
Did you hear about the new ‘morning after’ pill for men? It changes their blood type.
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has 35.72 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: sex
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
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has 71.30 % from 389 votes. More jokes about: sex, sport
This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession. The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?" The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors." The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure." The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
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has 61.45 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: church, life, priest, sex, war