I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor. Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association? The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina? A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.
What is a chameleon's motto? A change is as good as a rest.
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time.
Did you hear the joke about the skunk? Never mind, it stinks.
Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs? A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"