What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper?
Warren.
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Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere?
Yak the Ripper.
I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?
Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck.
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree.
He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?"
"Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elkaseltzer.
How did that bullfight come out?
Oh, it was a toss-up.
On the street strolls a chick dressed with fur from head to toes.
Near hear another chick stops and says to hear:
Do you imagine how many animals they had to kill for this coat?
But do you know with how many animals I had to sleep with for it?
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."