What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper?
Warren.
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What animals do you bring to bed?
Your calves.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
faces like yours
belong in a zoo.
Don't worry I'll be there too,
not in the cage,
but laughing at you.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox!
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad!
How does a frog confuse you?
When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
What do tigers wear in bed?
Stripey pyjamas.
Why did the horses kept saying orange juice?
Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!
No chicken dies a virgin.
They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
What's a moo hoo for grazing school?
Grass class.
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar.
The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks.
The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo.
The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner.
The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle.
Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says,
"What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"
The octopus says, "Play it?
If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"