Joke #4487

What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 40 lb.
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has 43.46 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
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A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon. Two days into the weeklong trip, the wife goes to the front desk and demands a car to take her to the airport. A few hours later, the husband strolls past the front desk. The manager asks why his wife has left the island. "Were you not having a good time?" The man replies, "Well, I've been having the best time of my life, but it's been with the maid."
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Marriages are made in Heaven – but then again, so are thunder and lightning.
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A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?" "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."
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has 47.54 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife
Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’ Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’
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My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game.
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Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man. This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
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has 76.19 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men, single, women
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend. They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
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has 61.05 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: fish, husband, love, marriage, women
I never knew happiness till I got married. By then it was too late.
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has 85.17 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: marriage, mean, time