Joke #3958

He named the street he built after his wife. It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
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has 97.54 % from 2829 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
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has 85.00 % from 1174 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, women
A woman got married, but her husband was abusive. She got remarried and that husband ran out on her. She got married again and that husband failed in bed. Finally, she put an ad in the paper: "Looking for a man who won't abuse me, won't leave me, and won't fail me in bed." The next day, the doorbell rings. There is a man with no arms and no legs. "Hello, I saw your ad in the paper," he says. "Tell me a little about you." "Well, I have no arms, so I can't hit you. I have no legs, so I can't run out on you," he replies. "How do I know you're good in bed?" she asks. He says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
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has 62.44 % from 847 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Since I got married I haven’t looked at another woman. My wife put me off them.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: marriage
There were three women who always hung their laundry out in the backyard. Two of the women noticed Sophie never had her laundry out on days that it rained. One day, they were all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women said to Sophie, "How come when it rains, your laundry is never out?" "Well," said Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Paul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash." "What if it is pointed straight up?" asked one of the women. "On a day like that, I don't bother with the laundry."
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has 53.71 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: marriage, weather
My wife has given me a reason to live – revenge.
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."
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has 63.80 % from 609 votes. More jokes about: animal, marriage, wife
Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet seat... Husband: How does it help Wife: I use your toothbrush!
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has 54.46 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’
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has 84.03 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Make love, not war. Or if you want to do both – get married!
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has 85.55 % from 250 votes. More jokes about: marriage
We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately we've been married for 10 years.
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has 69.84 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time