Joke #3958

He named the street he built after his wife. It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
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has 92.19 % from 3051 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
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has 62.30 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: couple, food, marriage, sex, wife
My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis!" I replied, "That's 15 love!"
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has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sport, wife
A wife tells her husband while watching a Mexican TV series: "Look, how much he loves her…" "Yes. But do you know how much he's being paid for that?"
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has 80.91 % from 363 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, mexican, money, wife
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
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has 66.34 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: dad, marriage
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
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has 62.19 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, marriage, political, sex
A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes. The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room." She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that." The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference." She says, "You tell him. He's the one shaving you."
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has 85.87 % from 755 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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has 52.59 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wife
We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately we've been married for 10 years.
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has 70.16 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time
A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."
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has 84.10 % from 663 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wedding