Joke #4504

My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered. Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!
Vote:
has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?" "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves." "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!" "Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?" "I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!" "Help me please, please help!"
Vote:
has 74.15 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, parrot
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.” T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?” The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
Vote:
has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.
Vote:
has 39.60 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: animal, dinosaur, dirty, lesbian
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water? A: It'll take a while before I get hard again, I just got laid by a chick.
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
Vote:
has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, sport
What do cows like to listen to? Moo-sic.
Vote:
has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
A baby hedgehog lost itself, in the garden. Sad, he strolls from here to there, whereupon he bumps in a cactus and full of hope he says: Mama, is that you?
Vote:
has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped. What's a tiger? A stri-ped.
Vote:
has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
Vote:
has 75.81 % from 271 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, little Johnny, teacher
Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes. They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one "Ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them." And the other rabbit says, "We're going to run for it you idiot I'm your brother."
Vote:
has 53.58 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, gay, sex