What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away. 
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I got a cat the other day.
I had to swerve, but I got it.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life.
After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper.
A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately.
On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy.
When she entered the room she stood steal...
She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room.
"But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked.
"Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no I-Deer.
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At Night.
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What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?
He stank to the bottom of the pool.
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."