What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away. 
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What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?
Two octopuses shaking hands.
Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A: A milk shake.
A mans dog dies one day, and the man is very upset.
His dog did everything for him.
Washed the dishes.
Bought things from the shop.
The man was so upset, he decided to go and buy a new pet.
Once at the pet store, he asked the manager, "Do you have any pets that will do anything for me? My dog has just passed away and I want something to replace him."
The manager looks around.
"We don't have much, I'm afraid. Just this centipede here"
The man looks puzzled, but accepts the centipede anyway.
Back home, the man tests the centipede out.
"Go and bring me a beer from the fridge", he asks.
The centipede got to work straight away.
"Go and run a bath for me.“
The centipede did as asked once again.
The man, before getting in the bath, asks the centipede "Pop to the shop and buy me a newspaper please.“
The centipede does this.
An hour later, the man comes out of the bath, to find the centipede sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and hadn't yet gone to the shop.
"I thought I told you to go to the shop?"
The centipede replies "GIMMIE A CHANCE TO GET MI SHOES ON!"
What's green with bumps?
A frog with the measles!
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
Tagliateddy.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia.
That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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What is a chameleon's motto?
A change is as good as a rest.
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
What do you call a poodle with no legs?
A sponge.
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends?
A: He plays with Pooh.
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