What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away. 
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What do you call a gay dinosaur?…… Mega-sore-ass.
A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
"Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you."
"In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."
Q: why did the cow cross the road?
A: So he could pass the milkyway.
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets.
The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!”
“I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.”
The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers.
He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in.
Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film.
Seated next to him is a woman.
She looks over at his lap and is horrified.
She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!”
Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”
Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk?
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
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Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
A: Because then the children have to play inside.
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur.
"One spur?" asked the saddler.
"Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?"
"No, just one," replied the horseman.
"If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!"
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all.
Well neither can a fence!