What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away. 
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How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.
How do you f*ck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
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Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll.
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food?
He wanted to raised stewed beef.
Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
what is the diffrent between a chicken and a prostute
chicken goes cockadoodle do
prostute goes any cock will do.
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How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?
He tried to stirrup some interest!
What's gray and powdery?
Instant Elephant.
Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country.
O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer.
They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside.
He is gone for a long time.
When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses."
"Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks.
The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
A mouse and an elephant are walking through the forest.
The elephant falls in a hole so the mouse gets his Porsche throws a rope down into the hole and pulls the elephant out.
So they continue walking and the mouse falls into a hole.
The elephant throws his dick into the hole and the mouse climbs out.
Moral of the story: if you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche.