Joke #4528

Don’t spend money having your shirts laundered. Donate them to a charity shop, then when they’ve cleaned them, buy them back.

Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.

Yo mama so poor, when I ring the door bell, she yells: DING DONG!

An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut. After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay. "No charge, son" replies the barber, "Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, the barber finds a squadron T-shirt and a thank-you note left by his customer. Later that day, a staff sergeant comes in, asking the barber to take a little bit off the sides. When the haircut was complete and the NCO reaches for his wallet, the barber again says: "No charge, sergeant. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, he is pleased to find an Air Force hat and a squadron coin by the door, with a thank-you note. Later that day, a colonel comes in, asking if the barber can do something to cover his bald spot. The barber obliges, and when it comes time to pay, he again says: "No charge, sir. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The barber comes to work the next day and finds on his doorstep... three more Air Force colonels.

Why did the mobster put his money in the freezer? He liked cold hard cash!

Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.

An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"

Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce? A: Ten thousand!

Yo' Mama is so poor, when she farts, her holey underwear whistles.

Jesus saves. But wouldn’t it have been better if he had invested?

When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.