Joke #4551

I wouldn’t say Harry was mean, but last Christmas Eve he fired a pistol in the garden and told the kids Santa had committed suicide.
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money

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I lost 125 pounds. It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, money, time
A 67 year old Billionaire from Yorkshire marries a 26 year old woman and takes her down the pub to introduce to his mates... When his mates see him walk through the door with his new wife they can't believe their eyes. "By eck old lad! How av you managed to pull a reyt nice lass like her?" The Yorkshireman replies, "It was easy! I gave her a bit of the old Yorkshire charm and then just lied about my age as well." "Ah I see, so you told her you was fotty?" Asks his friend. "No ya daft bugger! I told her I was 90!"
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, money, old people, relationship
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
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has 85.65 % from 1735 votes. More jokes about: airplane, military, money
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
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has 59.06 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: air force, death, military, money, navy
William: May I have some money for the man crying outside ? Mum: What crying man ? William: The one that's crying, 'Ice cream! Ice Cream !'
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: food, money
Yo mamas so poor she traded her car for gas money.
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has 70.60 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: car, money, Yo mama
Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting: "GIVE US YER LOOT!" A: They were both blonds.
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has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: blonde, money, stupid
A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, money
Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
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has 29.10 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, money