Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
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Q: What is the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father's Day.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
Which is the most confusing day in America?
Father's day!
80% don't know whom to wish.
Rest 20% are scared someone will come and wish them.
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Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
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By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead.
And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
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Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub.
He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton.
She replies, "A bush."
The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower.
He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?"
His father replies, "It is a snake."
A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights."
A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.
He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"
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Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch!
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
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