Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
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Q: What is the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father's Day.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
Which is the most confusing day in America?
Father's day!
80% don't know whom to wish.
Rest 20% are scared someone will come and wish them.
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Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
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A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life.
The doctor recommends Viagra.
They come back and see him in a couple of weeks.
The doctor says "how was the Viagra?"
The wife says "great I love it."
Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."
Happy Father's Day to a dad who was smart enough to teach me how to mow the lawn so he would't have to.
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In Noah’s ark, on day 3 the animals could no longer hold their sexual desire, so they started having sex with one another.
But Noah got really angry cause the Ark started shaking dangerously and he decided that it was time to put things in order.
So he ordered that every male should get a card stating the name of his wife and the days they were allowed to mate. So they did…
After a couple of days, during breakfast in the Ark’s cafeteria the monkey said to his wife:
"You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!"
The female monkey felt really ashamed because all of the animals heard her husband…
The day after, the male monkey said to his wife again: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!"
The female monkey feeling really confused, told Noah what had happened, so Noah called the male monkey in his office and asked for an explanation.
“You kinky monkey! Why do you insist on disgracing your wife in front of all the other animals?” said Noah
“I am not kinky sir”, said the monkey “I’m just warning her because I lost my card at a poker game and now the elephant has it…”
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know."
Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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