Joke #5279

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you handsome, don't take it as a compliment!

I'm like happy meal. "Coz you are small and pretty?" "No, coz I always c*m with a toy inside.

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.

My sex life isn’t dead, but the buzzards are circling.

Mary and Jane are talking. Mary declares that she’s finally got pregnant after years of trying. ‘How did you manage it?’ asks Jane. ‘I went to that hypnotherapist on the High Street,’ replies Mary. ‘I got pregnant within two months.’ ‘Oh, my husband and I tried seeing him years ago,’ says Jane. ‘It didn’t work for us.’ ‘Of course it wouldn’t,’ replies Mary. ‘You have to go alone.’

The sexologist to Johny: "let´s talk about sex!" Johny: "I have no idea."

Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.