Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
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A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan they were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From the inside they head a Pakistani accent say, "you foreigners come in.
Come in my humble shop." so the married couple walked in.
The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in.
They make you wild at sex like a great dessert camel"
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being a sex hero he as.
The husband, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Pakistani man replied, why don't you see for yourself?"
Well , the husband after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on.
As soon as he slipped then onto this feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in years-- raw sexual power.
In a blink of an eye the husband rushed of too the Pakistani man threw him on the table and started tearing at the guy's pants.
All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET"
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died.
The first man said, "I died in a car accident."
The second man said, "I died by drowning."
The third man said, "I died of seenus."
The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?"
The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"
Grandmother is so stupid, she’s gone on the pill because she doesn’t want any more grandchildren.
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?"
The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
A guy gets out of the V.D.
Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long.
Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times.
After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.
"How's the food there?" asks the hooker.
"Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Vote:
A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream.
He asked his wife if she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asked.
"About as hard as my dick," he replies.
To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
Your mama is so stupid, when she lost her dildo she called the cops to look for it.
Q:Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?
A:They can't stand to see a man have a good time!
‘I’m a bad lover.
Once I caught a peeping Tom booing me.’
Rodney Dangerfield
Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her.
Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her.
Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.