Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
A woman walks into a chemist’s and asks if they sell extra-large condoms. ‘Yes, we do,’ says the sales assistant. ‘Would you like to buy some?’ ‘No thanks,’ replies the woman. ‘But if you don’t mind, I’ll wait here for someone who does.’
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
What is the smallest hotel in the world? A p***y - because you gotta leave your bags outside!
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
Q: What's the difference between the first honeymoon and the second? A: First honeymoon, Niagara. Second honeymoon, Viagra.
What do you call men who use the pull out method? Fathers.
Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!