What’s the definition of a Yankee? Same thing as a ‘quickie’ but you do it yourself.
I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, ‘Doctor, why do men always want to marry a virgin?’ To which the doctor responded, ‘To avoid criticism.’
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands. She whispers in his ear: "That’s me before the surgery."
Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch!