A couple have been dating for a few weeks, but the guy has been afraid of making advances because he thinks his penis is on the small side.
Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her down lovers’ lane. While they’re kissing, he opens his trouser zip and guides her hand onto his organ.
‘No thanks,’ says the girl. ‘I don’t smoke.’
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What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts.
Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!"
and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?"
and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
A lady tells her husband, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sex for two weeks.”
He replies, “What did your dentist say?”
My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"...
its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.
A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viagra.
Seeing the $10 per pill price his wife was astonished - but then realized "it's only going to cost us $30 per year."
Q: Whats the definition of vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.
"Will you marry me?" Is a marriage proposal.
"Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil.
The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth.
So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed.
1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth.
Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth.
Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"