Joke #4559

Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. "What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison." Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember. So?" "I would have gotten out today."
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has 53.16 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
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has 56.92 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: friendship, marriage, mean, sex, stupid
A man and his wife enter a dentist's office. The wife says "I need a tooth pulled. No gas or Novocain -- I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave woman," says the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
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After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn’t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
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After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
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has 73.47 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, kids, marriage, time
Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her
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has 27.58 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, marriage, money
I can remember where I got married. I can remember when I got married. I just can’t remember why.
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What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
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has 82.56 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I took two marriage vows. Silence and poverty.
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
My wife constantly complains that I never listen to her… Or something like that.
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has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: marriage