Last year I told the kids there was no Father Christmas, this year I’m telling the wife.
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A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac."
He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour."
She says, "How much for all night?"
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant?
She charges an arm and a leg.
Vote:
How do you find the population of Mexico?
roll a penny down the street
How do you find the richest person in Mexico?
SEE WHO GOT THE PENNY!
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.
Vote:
He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.
Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra?
Now he's hard up.
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.
Our family was so poor our Christmas dinner was the leftovers from our last Christmas dinner.
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "£250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I'll tell."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "£750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."