What’s the difference between your wage packet and your trouser packet?
You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your wage packet.
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Why are men like bank accounts?
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest!
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy.
"I cheated you.
The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no. Take it," said the second guy.
"I saw the five o'clock news too.
I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
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After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse.
He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20.
The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left.
He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room.
To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed.
So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life.
Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs.
He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the little amount of time you're inside them.
What king of money do fishermen make?
Net profits!
Yo' mama so poor, she fills her ice trays with toilet water!
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth.
The next day he won the lottery.
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You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.
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