What’s the difference between your wage packet and your trouser packet?
You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your wage packet.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died.
The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem.
The husband said "ship her home".
Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?"
The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire?
Sure. Here you are.
Thanks - but half the pages are missing.
What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?
Yo mamas so poor she traded her car for gas money.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932.
The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
“I invested that nickel in an apple.
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.
“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
I married my wife for her money.
And believe me, I’ve earned it.
George meets a genie in the street, which tells him to make a wish and it will make it true.
"I want to pee whiskey," he says.
“But are you sure? You can ask for money, wealth, anything you want."
"No I want to pee whiskey."
The genie thinks what can it do, it makes his wish true.
George goes home, calls his wife, Sue: "Woman, get nuts and two glasses."
Curious she was, she brings them.
"What do you want them? She asks him. Once we don’t have any drinks."
From now on, we will both have as much whiskey as we want, says to her.
And really he fills the two glasses with whiskey.
They clink, drink one, drink two drinks, make some fun … and play a little game.
The other night the same happen.
"Woman, bring two glasses and nuts."
So they spend their evenings.
One night, however, the scene changed.
"Woman, bring nuts and a cup."
"A, for one?"
"You will drink from the bottle today."
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.