A man went to his lawyer and told him, ‘My neighbour owes me £500 and he won’t pay up.
What should I do?’
‘Do you have any proof he owes you the money?’ asked the lawyer.
‘Nope,’ replied the man.
‘OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,’ said the lawyer.
‘But it’s only £500,’ replied the man.
‘Precisely.
That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!’
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When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
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John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke."
Michael: "Get money from your job."
John: "I got fired."
Michael: "Why?"
John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside."
Michael: "This is why we are friends."
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire?
A bunny with money.
We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.
How do two programmers make money?
One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
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‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.”
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.’
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
A couple are arguing over money.
‘Do you know,’ says the man.
‘If it weren’t for my money this house wouldn’t be here at all.’
‘Yes,’ says his wife.
‘And if it weren’t for your money neither would I.’
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.
Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously.
The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch.
She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she said.
"We only met a half hour ago.
How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young man declared.
"For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."