Joke #4586

Man to friend: ‘When did you first realise your wife had stopped loving you?’ Friend: ‘When she pushed me through the window, and wrote for an ambulance.’
Vote: has 31.97 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
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For their 10th anniversary, a wife surprises her husband by wearing the lingerie she wore on their wedding night. She asks her husband what his exact thoughts were 10 years ago when he first saw her in the lingerie. He says, "I wanted to suck your tits dry and f**k your brains out." "Well, what do you think today?" He says, "I think I did a good job."
Vote: has 51.78 % from 176 votes. Send joke:
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Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Vote: has 82.78 % from 294 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, nerd, technology
My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman. “If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?” “A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”
Vote: has 54.15 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
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A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband. It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me." He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."
Vote: has 55.71 % from 49 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, college, marriage, math, wife
Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common. So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, women
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
Vote: has 81.77 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, sport, wife
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, marriage, old people
A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar. He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon. The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation. Lalu said, "Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know." They went. Had lots of fun and came back. Wife back at home asked, "I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for." The Husband said, "Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of sex, jokes, fun all that is honeymoon." The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."
Vote: has 42.00 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: holiday, marriage, money, sex, wife
Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: NO! Don’t even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course! Over and over! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: NO! Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling!
Vote: has 35.72 % from 76 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: love, marriage, relationship
I had two women in my bed the other day. I got home from work and discovered my wife is having a lesbian affair.
Vote: has 32.79 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage