A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty.
His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex.
After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition.
‘Stuff that!’ says the woman.
‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
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Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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What’s the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a ‘quickie’ but you do it yourself.
Man to woman: ‘Tell me, after having sex do you ever smoke?’
Woman: ‘I’ve never looked.’
‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.’
Rodney Dangerfield
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
"Will you marry me?" Is a marriage proposal.
"Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.
Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.
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Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving?
A: “Thanks for coming!”
There are three moms.
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed.
I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse.
I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse.
I just cannot believe she has a penis"