A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"
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What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant?
Her feet.
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with?
Anything for the family.
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, Kyle said, “Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place.”
So they go back to her place and have great sex.
Afterwards, Sean says, “If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I’m sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand.”
Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, “Okay”.
He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex.
Then Sean says, “Kylie, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right hand.”
Kylie is now used to the routine and complies.
The results are mind blowing.
Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Kylie asks “Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?”
Sean replies, “No, but the last time I slept with a slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet.”
AT WORK, Michael: Why you white guys always so happy?
Casey: Because I make love to my wife every morning before work.
Michael: Say whaaat? You get her to make love EVERY morning? How do you do that?
Casey: It's easy, I just say a poem, women love poems and will fall for them all the time.
Michael: Ok, what kind of poem can you say to make her make love every morning?
Casey: I say, "blonde hair, blonde hair, eyes of blue, I love to wake up and make love to you.
Michael: HAHAAA she falls for that?
Casey: yes you should try it.
NEXT DAY TYRONE COMES IN WITH BLACK EYE FAT LIP AND A TOOTH MISSING.
Casey: What happened to you?
Michael: Well, I said a poem to my wife and she didn't like it.
Casey: She didn't like it? What did you say?
Michael: Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, if I could roll your fat ass over I would do you like a dog.
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"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sex?"
"Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.
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In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class.
Everybody writes except little John.
The teacher asks him: John, why aren’t you writing?
I’m exhausted because of sex.
That should not be a problem, write with your left hand.
A homo went to Denmark to have a sex change operation performed.
When 'SHE' returned, a friend asked, "How did it go?"
"Oh awful, just awful!" she replied.
"What was so awful?" asked the friend, "Did it hurt a lot when they removed the extra parts?"
"Oh no," she replied, "That wasn't bad at all."
"Well, did it hurt when they put in the silicone implants?" the friend asked.
"Oh no, that wasn't bad either!" she replied.
"Well then," asked the friend, "What was so awful?"
"It was when they cut a hole in my head and took out half my brain!"
What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?
The hippie girl gets stoned before have sex.
Is it still rape if you yell 'Surprise!' first?
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