Joke #3750

‘He had ambitions at one time to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.’ Les Dawson

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

The neighbor from below told me that If I flood him once again, he will rape me. So I turn on the water. I sit and wait.

What did the elephant say to the nude man? ‘It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?’

Man, to woman, ‘Do you want sex?’ Woman, ‘Your place or mine?’ Man, ‘Well, if you’re going to argue. Forget it.’

Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Q: Why do blondes need to have orgasms? A: So they know when to stop having sex.

A couple have been dating for a few weeks, but the guy has been afraid of making advances because he thinks his penis is on the small side. Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her down lovers’ lane. While they’re kissing, he opens his trouser zip and guides her hand onto his organ. ‘No thanks,’ says the girl. ‘I don’t smoke.’

A couple have just had sex. The woman says, ‘If I got pregnant, what would we call the baby?’ The man takes off his condom, ties a knot in it, and flushes it down the toilet. ‘Well,’ he says. ‘If he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.’

A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x. The code is: "Making a call." One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call. The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order. Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call. The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."

A man who recently had a sex-change operation was talking to his former buddies at work about the operation. "Was it painful?" someone asked. "Well,"she said. "There was one part that was extremely painful." "I bet I know what part was so painful," someone else said. "I bet it was when they cut off your balls," they said. "No," she said. "I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a thing." "Then it must have been when they cut off your pecker," another person offered. "No," she said. "I was sedated then too, and didn't feel anything." "Then what part of the operation was so painful?" They wanted to know. "Well," she said. "After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in my ear and sucked out half of my brains."