Joke #3750

‘He had ambitions at one time to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.’ Les Dawson
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has 38.26 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: sex

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Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
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has 74.80 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge. As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed. Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best handjob ever!" A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best handjob ever!" I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, sex, sport, winter
Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine. We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.
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has 65.39 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sex
Q: Whats the definition of vagina? A: The box a penis comes in.
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has 54.14 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: sex
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..." "Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."
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has 75.17 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: baby, couple, hospital, sex, women
Two Italian virgins marry and go on their honeymoon. Unfortunately, neither knows what to do when they get there. The newlyweds call the groom's mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together, snuggle, and things should happen from there. The newlyweds do this, but nothing happens. The groom calls his mother back. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers, and nature should take its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice, but still nothing comes to mind. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation, she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest spot!" The groom is quiet for a moment and then asks his mother, "I've got my nose in her armpit, now what?"
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has 57.00 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
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has 65.30 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, men, sex, women
In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.  In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
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has 66.56 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: animal, sex, time
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: friendship, marriage, mean, sex, stupid
Hillary Clinton isn't taking the loss very well. So I said to her, Cheer up! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
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has 82.53 % from 391 votes. More jokes about: political, sex, work