A man says to his wife, ‘You know what, two inches more and I’d be king.’
She replies, ‘Two inches less and you’d be queen.’
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Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom?
He wanted to keep the swelling down.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.
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Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.
A man and wife were making love.
When thay saw there 8 year old son at the door crying the dad started laughing and the boy ran away.
Mom said "You better fix this now."
The dad couldn't find the boy anywhere unwell he hurd a loud noise conning from grandma's room so he opened up the door and there was the boy putting his "wood" to grandma.
The dad screamed "What the fuck."
The boy said "It aims so funny when it's your mom is it."
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina.
That’s how you get a baby, honey.”
The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth.
What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear.
Jewelry.”
Tom to Dick: ‘My mother made me a homosexual.’
Dick: ‘If I bought her enough wool would she make me one as well?’
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
Why do Jews watch porn backwards?
Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.
A kid asks his mom "why his sisters' middle name is Paris?"
"Because that's where we conceived her."
"Next, I was going to ask why my middle name is Chevy but now I know why."