A man says to his wife, ‘You know what, two inches more and I’d be king.’
She replies, ‘Two inches less and you’d be queen.’
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Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
How do you make a woman scream twice in the bedroom?
Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on the curtains.
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In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, ‘Doctor, why do men always want to marry a virgin?’
To which the doctor responded, ‘To avoid criticism.’
Yo momma so fat when I crawl in her pussy I can't find my way out.
Why are guys like microwavable meals?
They’re both done in 30 seconds.
Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?"
The girl says, "A bus."
The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
She whispers in his ear: "That’s me before the surgery."
What’s the sex?
The sex in a disease.
You always get in bed because of it.