Why can’t gypsies have babies?
Because their husbands have crystal balls.
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Mom was very upset when she found a bondage S&M magazine in her son's room.
She showed it to her husband when he got home.
He handed it back to her without a word.
She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?"
"Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."
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‘I recently sold the rights of my love life to Parker brothers, they’re going to turn it into a game.’ Woody Allen
Man to woman: ‘Tell me, after having sex do you ever smoke?’
Woman: ‘I’ve never looked.’
Yo mama's so fat when she is having sex, her partner doesen't know if it's in her butt or her boobs.
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills.
I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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Q: What does a blond man do at 03.00 in the night naked at the balcony?
A: The blond girl told him to come outside
A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis.
He says to the doctor "My penis is too small."
Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch."
So the man thanks the doctor and leaves.
He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch.
Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy.
A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker.
"Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Vote:
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.