Joke #4608

Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
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has 31.97 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”
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has 85.40 % from 723 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, couple, food, marriage, wedding
Why is marriage a three-ring circus? First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
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She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
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has 28.11 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
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has 85.23 % from 1507 votes. More jokes about: couple, marriage, old people, sex
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
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Guns don’t kill people – husbands who come home early kill people.
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has 83.90 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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has 70.50 % from 254 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Man is incomplete until he’s married. Then he’s finished.
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Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
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has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases, it’s damned near impossible.
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has 85.56 % from 266 votes. More jokes about: marriage