My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game.
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Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.
Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.
Now, why can’t you do that?”
“Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”
I live like a medieval knight.
Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.
Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece?
A: He Married Her
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
A: He thought his wife was a flake.
HOW did an Intelligent BOY PROPOSE to a Girl.
He TOOK the Girl ALONG with him on a BOAT & in the MIDDLE of River said: "LOVE ME or LEAVE the BOAT."
Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding.
In Heaven, they ask St.
Peter if they can still be married.
"Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back."
Six months pass and Peter returns.
"Yes, we can do this for you."
The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?"
To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her.
"That's total bollocks" I replied.
By text, from across the road.
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A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a balaclava.
He told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.
One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promtply shot him.
The robber asked if anyone else had seen his face.
One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse"
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.
Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"
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