Joke #3669

My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game.
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has 85.72 % from 285 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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Men are divided into two groups: 50% are wise and 50% have married.
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has 80.05 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, men
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?” His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” The boy thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”
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has 62.62 % from 606 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wedding
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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has 48.25 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dating, family, food, marriage
Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever... I wonder where shes going ?
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has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: birthday, marriage, wife
Once upon a time, in a far away land, a beautiful independent, confident princess met a frog, while sitting and considering the environmental issues of the world, at the side of an infected lake, in a very green meadow, near her castle. The frog jumped on princess’ knees and said: "My sweet lady, once I was a handsome prince, until an evil witch cursed me. I f you kiss me, however, I will become again that graceful prince I once was. Then, my sweety, we will get married and we will live in your castle, and you will cook for me, you will wash my clothes, and you will give birth to my childre and you will feel so happy and graceful for being able to do all these things forever!" That night, the princess enjoying her nice cooked frog legs, she chuckled inside and thought: "...and then he woke up."
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has 43.46 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: marriage
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
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has 56.50 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant, marriage
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?” “John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
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has 81.94 % from 372 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, car, marriage, money, wife
I took two marriage vows. Silence and poverty.
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Marriage is spending the rest of you life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you'd miss them.
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has 85.32 % from 246 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A husband is driving with her blonde wife, the husband says "Can you stick your head out the window if the blinker works?" T hen the blonde sticks her head out the window and replies, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..".
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has 46.87 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, marriage, stupid