"I'd like to seek divorce. My wife hasn't spoken with me more than half year."
"Are you stupid? It's a dream of every man."
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A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant.
My name, living address, phone number...
Phone talk:
"Is your boss there?"
"No, he left on a trip."
"A recovery trip, huh?"
"I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
What kind of rings do men need for marriage?
Engagement Ring
Wedding Ring
Suffe-Ring
Endu-Ring
Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex?
A: Let her catch you doing it.
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your
mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says.
“We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'
Make love, not war.
Or if you want to do both – get married!
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat.
The women just won’t leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, "You’re driving too fast!"
His wife says, "Stay more to the left."
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?"
Vote:
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."