Joke #4962

"I'd like to seek divorce. My wife hasn't spoken with me more than half year." "Are you stupid? It's a dream of every man."
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Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen. How do you do that? Says the other. It's easy! I turn off the light!
Vote: has 44.84 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, wife
Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Yes and no.
Vote: has 85.93 % from 265 votes. Send joke:
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Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
Vote: has 56.65 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
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A wife and her husband were sleeping, in the middle of the night, the husband farted. Next morning the guy told his wife: "Last night I dreamed that I've bought a Mercedes!" His wife said: "That is right and you tootled for me."
Vote: has 85.47 % from 615 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, fart, marriage
Man is incomplete until he’s married. Then he’s finished.
Vote: has 85.77 % from 365 votes. Send joke:
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If it weren’t for marriage, women would have to spend most of their adult lives arguing with complete strangers.
Vote: has 85.92 % from 289 votes. Send joke:
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Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, marriage
I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company. One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh. The procedure required him to delete an old file. On the Mac, there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted. I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash. Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash." Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, customer service, IT, marriage, technology
As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
Vote: has 85.97 % from 1414 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
A guy buys his first motorcycle. The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting. A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house. Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break. After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her. Silence. Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table. Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance. The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket. "OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
Vote: has 59.56 % from 196 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, family, marriage, sex, weather