‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.”
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.’
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Wife: "Honey let's play a game?"
Husband: "Ok, what is the game all about?"
Wife: "If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month."
Husband: "Ok and if you fail, I will have your salary too right?"
Wife: (smile) "Yes darling."
Husband: "Ok" (stood up and was ready to run to any direction)
Wife: "Are u ready?"
Husband: "Yes, ready."
Wife: "Turkey"
It has been 4 hours now the husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the country or the bird.
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire?
A bunny with money.
If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first?
The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).
Think nobody knows you’re alive?
Try missing a payment.
What’s the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half!
A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk.
When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles.
Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?'
'But I only have $8,' his friend replied.
That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."