A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
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A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk.
When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles.
What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
Yo mama is so fat when she sat on WALMART she lowered the price.
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral.
A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said.
"It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
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Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.
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Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want."
The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!"
The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"
The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!"
The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
Q: There is a $100 bill sitting in the middle of a 4 way intersection, at one side there is a man hating dike, at another side, there is Santa, at another side there is the Easter Bunny, and at the las side there is a man loving lesbian. Who gets the $100 bill?
A: The man hating dike because all others are a figure of your imagination.
Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?
He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.