Joke #4630

What would you call a drunk who works at an upholstery shop? A recovering alcoholic.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
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has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, wine
What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party? They're both out looking for a tight seal.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q. How many night club bouncers does it take to throw someone down the stairs? A. None! He fell.
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has 22.73 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, "sorry we don't serve snails" and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says,"What did you do that for!?"
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man is in a bar talking to his friend. ‘Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house.’ ‘Did he get anything? asks his friend. ‘Yes,’ says the man. ‘A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk.’
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has 78.15 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
"Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!" "Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!"
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, wife
I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed!  They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book. He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies "I only ever touched one with my index finger." He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates." He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis." She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand."  He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate." Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way. ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?" The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
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has 77.29 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
A guy walks into a bar and orders six shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day." The guy says, "Am I ever! I woke up late for work. On my way to work, I got in an accident. When I got to work, I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. To top it off, I came home to my wife screwing my best friend." The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?" The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again." The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?" The guy says, "BAD DOG!"
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol