What are cat-erpillars afraid of?
Dog-erpillars.
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There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner.
The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!”
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
A mans dog dies one day, and the man is very upset.
His dog did everything for him.
Washed the dishes.
Bought things from the shop.
The man was so upset, he decided to go and buy a new pet.
Once at the pet store, he asked the manager, "Do you have any pets that will do anything for me? My dog has just passed away and I want something to replace him."
The manager looks around.
"We don't have much, I'm afraid. Just this centipede here"
The man looks puzzled, but accepts the centipede anyway.
Back home, the man tests the centipede out.
"Go and bring me a beer from the fridge", he asks.
The centipede got to work straight away.
"Go and run a bath for me.“
The centipede did as asked once again.
The man, before getting in the bath, asks the centipede "Pop to the shop and buy me a newspaper please.“
The centipede does this.
An hour later, the man comes out of the bath, to find the centipede sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and hadn't yet gone to the shop.
"I thought I told you to go to the shop?"
The centipede replies "GIMMIE A CHANCE TO GET MI SHOES ON!"
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools.
What does a frog say when it sees something' great?
Toadly awesome!
Have you seen the offices of the RSPCA?
It’s tiny; you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?
A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot.
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smellicopter.
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
A:Because they can.