Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.
What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat? Shipped beef.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
Why was cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper.
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple? A: The Holocaust.
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.