Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
What is the slowest racehorse in the world? A clotheshorse.
A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian: Is my cat still alive? Still not...
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
How do bulls drive their cars? They steer them.
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him... Get away from my nuts.
Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? A: Because then they'd be bay gulls.
Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
Where do steers go to dance? To the Meat Ball.