Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers.
Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? A: I'm bakin'.
A farmer was bragging. "I've got 350 sheep." "That's a lot of sheep," said another farmer. "And I've got 500 chickens," bragged the farmer. "That's a lot of chickens," answered the second farmer. "And 40 bulls," added the farmer. The other farmer replied, "Boy! That IS a lot of bull."
Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos? Czechs and stripes don’t mix.
What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle? A nerd herd.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"