If Asda is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the shop free yet?
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‘If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.’ Mark Twain
He was so poor all he had to wear as a boy were hand-me-downs.
The real shame was that he had five older sisters.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat?
A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.
A little monster was learning to play the violin,' I'm good, aren't I?' he asked his big brother.
'You should be on the radio,' said his brother.
'You think I'm that good?'
'No, I think you're terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off !
How do you know you have a great CPA?
He has a tax loophole named after him.
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Womens are like computer virus...
they ENTER your life...
SEARCH your pocket...
SHIFT your balance ...
CONTROL your life...
when you become an old version DELET you from the system
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man knit his brow.
"Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
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Uncle Harry is very rich.
His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with.
‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’
Douglas Adams
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.
The first guy says to the second.
"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding.
Again, the second guy misses him.
The first guy falls again and bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
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