If Asda is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the shop free yet?
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Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service.
“There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.”
He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”
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Christian Doctor: "Your recovery was a miracle!"
Christian Patient: "Thank God! Now I don't have to pay you."
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Why was the man sued by his horse?
For palomino-money!
What are Women Really Thinking?
So many men, so few who can afford me.
Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares?
And your point is?
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent?
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "How many can you afford?"
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The wages of sin are death – but after taxes and NI contributions you’ll just end up feeling a bit tired.
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.
"Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested.
Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.'
After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'