Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!
One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. 'What are you doing?' she asked. 'I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied. 'I lost it down the road.' 'Why don't you look for it there?' 'Because the light's better here!'
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.
Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"? A: BaNa2
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.