Joke #11337

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, money

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Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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has 62.30 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, divorce, money
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: husband, money, wife
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me? Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Dr. Young: "Aaagh! This is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500." Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500." Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!" Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Here's your $1000 back." Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500." Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "
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has 86.04 % from 957 votes. More jokes about: hospital, medical, memory, money, old people
After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment. And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.
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has 82.53 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: death, family, money, time, work
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
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has 62.93 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, music, stupid, Yo mama
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar? A: He got Avogadro's number!
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: bar, chemistry, nerd
Q: What do you get when you complete science class? A: A graduated cylinder.
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, graduation, science
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
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has 76.85 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, Chuck Norris, science
‘If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.’ Mark Twain
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money