Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
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Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.
“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
Q: What do you get when you complete science class?
A: A graduated cylinder.
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Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.
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One day a priest told the Mother Superior that he was going into town and try to convert some ladies of the evening.
Later off he went and drove to a certain part of town known for the ladies of the evening.
The first one he approached asked him before he had a chance to say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10"
He was clueless and embarrassed and left quickly.
He approached another young woman and again before he could say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10?"
Again he left quickly and returned to the convent.
Once back he saw Mother Superior and quietly took him aside and whispered Mother Superior "what's head?"
She replied "$10.00 same as in town."
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For hispanic attacks.
Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"