Joke #4655

The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’ The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’

Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.

Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.

What did the elephant say to the nude man? ‘It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?’

My nephew told me when he grows up, he wants to be a pizza delivery guy, or a pool skimmer. I need to tell my bro to do a better job at hiding his porn.

Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common? A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied,  "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left foot to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too. As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt. As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain."

I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Women make it hard!

A man goes to a psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about relations." The psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks. The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman having relations." The psychologist says, "Very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?" The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman having relations." The psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?" The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman having relations." The psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with relations." "Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"