Joke #47

"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"
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has 46.76 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, men

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A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
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has 83.36 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
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has 82.99 % from 337 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, men, wife
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."
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has 78.22 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, men, wine
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, husband, men, sex, women
Three men are sitting at a campfire telling stories about their great endeavors. The first man talked about how to sucked out the venom of a snake and sucked it up with 50 degree alcohol. The second man called it a circus trick as he has gotten 3 gunshots towards the chest and he but the guns in half. They looked at the third guy wanting to hear his story. Only to see him stroking his cock with the glowing hot coals.
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, life, men
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar. Man says "you can leave that lion here." The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
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has 42.00 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, men, stupid
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, men, women
How can you tell if a man is lying? You can see his lips moving.
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has 59.15 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: men
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big." He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big." Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right." But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
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has 77.37 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, men, money, women