"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?"
"A Budweiser in each hand!"
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot."
The husband responds, "Who is he?"
The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage."
"Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please."
"Did you bring a container for this? "
"You're speaking to it."
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.
Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."
Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft."
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"
Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?"
"Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
Three men are sitting at a campfire telling stories about their great endeavors.
The first man talked about how to sucked out the venom of a snake and sucked it up with 50 degree alcohol.
The second man called it a circus trick as he has gotten 3 gunshots towards the chest and he but the guns in half.
They looked at the third guy wanting to hear his story.
Only to see him stroking his cock with the glowing hot coals.
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar.
Man says "you can leave that lion here."
The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was.
The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip.
The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye."
The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again.
The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip.
He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye.
The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes.
The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
How is a man like a microwave oven?
Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.