Joke #47

"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"
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has 47.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, men

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"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
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has 84.57 % from 307 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, men, wife
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
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has 79.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."
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has 76.51 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, men, wine
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, husband, men, sex, women
Three men are sitting at a campfire telling stories about their great endeavors. The first man talked about how to sucked out the venom of a snake and sucked it up with 50 degree alcohol. The second man called it a circus trick as he has gotten 3 gunshots towards the chest and he but the guns in half. They looked at the third guy wanting to hear his story. Only to see him stroking his cock with the glowing hot coals.
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has 43.61 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, life, men
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar. Man says "you can leave that lion here." The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, men, stupid
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, men, women
Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining. She said to her husband, "Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!" Her husband, watching TV said casually: "That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you. Some people don’t even know you."
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has 74.87 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, men
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes.
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
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has 25.74 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drug, life, music