Joke #47

"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"
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has 47.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, men

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"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
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has 84.36 % from 310 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, men, wife
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
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has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, men, wine
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
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has 64.80 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, husband, men, sex, women
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar. Man says "you can leave that lion here." The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
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has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, men, stupid
Three men are sitting at a campfire telling stories about their great endeavors. The first man talked about how to sucked out the venom of a snake and sucked it up with 50 degree alcohol. The second man called it a circus trick as he has gotten 3 gunshots towards the chest and he but the guns in half. They looked at the third guy wanting to hear his story. Only to see him stroking his cock with the glowing hot coals.
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has 41.85 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, life, men
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, men, women
How are men like chocolates? A.They never last long enough B.They always leave stains whenever they get hot.
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: men
What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants a man to satisfy their every little need. A man wants all the women to satisfy their one and only little need.
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: men, women
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. "Sorry I cant serve you," states the barman. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "Youre under 18," replies the barman.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, bar, bartender, beer