Why do men like masturbation?
It's sex with someone they love.
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HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat".
The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as.
"I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed."
One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?"
The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay?
"Brace yourself, Sheila."
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women?
A: men have an antenna!
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