Joke #5604

Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love.

Men and women were created equal but women continued to improve.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

A woman went shopping. She walks to checkout counter and then the salesman packs all her groceries: milk, cheese, orange juice, half of bread, bar of soap, toothpaste... All of a sudden the salesman asks her: "You're single, aren't you?" A bit surprised woman smiles and answers: "That's right, but how did you guessed that?" "Because you're so ugly."

Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standingright behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" "Canada, sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada." "No sh*t?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

Q: How do you piss off a man? A: Stand on his back and piss.

Why does a man prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company.