Why do men like masturbation?
It's sex with someone they love.
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Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom?
To keep the swelling down.
Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy"
Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'
So he gave me a kite.
This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed."
One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?"
The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
How do you know if your man is dead?
The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
A woman went shopping.
She walks to checkout counter and then the salesman packs all her groceries: milk, cheese, orange juice, half of bread, bar of soap, toothpaste...
All of a sudden the salesman asks her:
"You're single, aren't you?"
A bit surprised woman smiles and answers:
"That's right, but how did you guessed that?"
"Because you're so ugly."
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Vote:
How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.