He: So then, what's your sign?
She: Dollar. 
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Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet.
What are they thinking?
The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet.
He doesn’t want to talk.
May be he’s get tired of me.
He doesn’t love me anymore.
He’s probably got someone else.
I see.
We’ll have to separate each other."
The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling.
Wow!
How keep it there and don’t fall?"
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?"
Woman: "No."
Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common.
So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
Women are like telephones.
They love to be held.
They love to be talked to.
But, if you press the wrong button, you're disconnected.
How fast can a women drive? 68 mph.
If she hits 69, she flips over and blows a rod.
Q:Why did the woman cross the road?
A I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?
Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A: They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
2 girls meet:
"Me & my husband are no longer together..."
"Why?"
"Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?"
"No, of course I couldn't!"
"Well he couldn't either!"