Joke #4711

He: So then, what's your sign? She: Dollar.

GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam. “What do you want me to do?” “Go down into the valley.” “What’s a valley?” asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “What’s a river?” God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “What’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” “What’s a cave?” After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.” Adam asked, “What’s a woman?” So God explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.” “How do I do that?” “Jeez,” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.” A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, “What’s a headache?”

A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house. His mother had Puritan principals. The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice. "Mom, can I escort Helen?" The girl, waiting to hear a cold hearted "no", she surprised hears: "Sure... You can! Escort her... to the corner with your eyes!"

A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. “Is that your big dog outside?” Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?” She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!” “What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?” “A Peke” Replied the woman. “A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?” “I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. But other times I let her sleep in.

What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A women who won't do what she's told.

Q: Why do women wear black underwear? A: They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.

What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.

Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"

Question: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? Answer: The dog, because he’ll shut up after you let him in.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.