What has four legs but can't walk?
A chair.
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Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says.
He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can’t leave," the doctor says.
But here’s what to do.
Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.
‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you’re gonna die."
Fast way to screw up someone's Knock Knock joke...?
"It's open."
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Déja.
Déja who?
Knock knock.
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More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke.
Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter.
To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
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My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
Justin Bieber puked on stage.
That settles it, she's pregnant.
Chuck Norris has found what U2 are looking for.
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Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?
A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
Toilets are like mothers-in-law:
the farther away the better.
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